Thursday, July 16, 2009

Ha! Ha! Ha! another laugh inducing web-log-post from william huge!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Have you seen the latest nonsense posted on that bastard-child of a world wide web-blog, " 'xkcd' is a paragon 'of hilarity'? HA.

Allow me to remind you of the context in which this posting appears! One William Hughes; ARCH-ADVERSARY of myself, has taken it upon himself to use his feeble mind to attempt to show that my own points, on my own web-blog of web-comics criticism, is incorrect! But, in an irony worthy of Sophocles himself, Mr. Hughes (or as we call him here, Huge, due to his substantial girth) made several crucial errors in his web-blog!

For one, he promised to post on a certain Friday of the week; on friday, there was nothing! Now, he attempts to justify this horrible breach of bloggsmanship by saying,

"For your information, Mr. Wheeler, I have been sick for the past few days. My gargantuan brain has become addled by the plague. Does this surprise you? Perhaps you or one of your partners in crime did this to me? DID YOU?!?! A feeble effort as I am back now. You cannot stop me.

I believe it was the Spanish Influenza as my anti-bodies are extremely powerful and only a ridiculously potent virus could temporarily challenge them. You have to do better than that to stop the great William Monty Hughes forever, Wheeler."

Ha! Ha! Felled by the plague! answer me this, William Huge! If you had to miss your work or schooling due do plague, shouldn't that have given you more time to blog? HM? HA!

However, congratulations on surviving the disease. I am most proud of you, William. Perhaps next time you could be so strong as to not get sick? It is well known that I have never gotten sick, and if you are going to critique me please try to stay with my standards of health. It would be most tiresome to have to wait for your plague or your smallpox or your AIDS to wear off each and every time we are to duel.

He then goes on to destroy the reputation of one Dr. Horrible; a despicable act which I cannot comprehend. Dr. Horrible lent his unique voice to my blog for several days. I cannot have people like Mr. Huge attempting to destroy the character of anyone who comes near me. It is unprofessional. It is silly, pedantic, sophomoric, and destructive. He casts baseless accusations about Dr. Horrible's medical degree (it is, I assure you, a genuine degree and the good doctor has practiced medicine for several years, with top marks from prestigious medical organizations. )

Lastly, he has somewhere managed to find a picture of me on the inter-nets and claims, bizarrely, that it is himself, and not I at all, that is pictured! How ODD.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Why do I hate " 'xkcd' is a paragon of hilarity"?

Perhaps, as you gaze upon this web-site from your lofty office space or the comforting confines of your mansion home, you think to yourself: "Does Carl Ugly Wheeler truly think that William Monty Hughes' Blog, ' 'xkcd' is a paragon of hilarity', sucks?" I would like to further explore that topic here. For it is a rather more complicated question than you might think.

The short answer is: Yes.
The long answer is: Yes I think it sucks.

Willy "William" Monty Hughes (more like monty HUGE if you know what I mean, I mean IQ 123, more like, weighs 123 tons!) is a fool. He knows nothing of humor, let along web-logging.

For evidence of this glance no farther than his original posting: "Brief list of people who I believe should expire slowly and with difficulty at some point in the near future." This is no way to begin a web-log! You must slowly build a loyal fan base before you declare a list of enemies! To begin, from nothing, which such a list is a silly way to begin your epic inter-net fight.

It was, however, his second posting which truly showed that a man with a lowly IQ of 124 is not fit to write words upon this internet. The massive wall of text makes the eye wish it could be stabbed out with a poisoned dart, possibly launched from the hand of an angry kobold.

But formatting is only the tip of the shit iceberg. Look at the title. Look at the end of it: "...creator of the "online comic" "Xkcd"

See what's wrong there, kids? Of course you do. At any reasonable web-comic commentary blog, this sort of thing would be frowned upon. We would never spell the name of Randall Munroe's web-comic as "Xkcd." Mr. Munroe himself explains this on his web-comic's "About" page:

How do I write "xkcd"? There's nothing in Strunk and White about this.
For those of us pedantic enough to want a rule, here it is: The preferred form is "xkcd", all lower-case. In formal contexts where a lowercase word shouldn't start a sentence, "XKCD" is an okay alternative. "Xkcd" is frowned upon.
See? Willy Huge needs to shut his damn mouth until he learns to respect the simple wishes of others, especially those he claims to venerate. This is a mistake he makes constantly.

But it is not only on that topic that he lets his foolishness shine through, like a terrible beacon of pitiable stupidity, for all the world to see. In discussing whether certain crass words, not to be repeated here, were linguistically related he came to the brilliant conclusion that "
perhaps a future "google" search shall yield accurate results." Why, it appears his vast sweeping plains of majestic intelligence were not enough to solve this mystery! Perhaps he should have tried said google search? Is a little effort too much to ask, Willy?

Did you notice that he claimed he would update his web-log with a new web-log-post last Friday, yet said web-log-post is nowhere to be found? What is the matter, Willy Huge? Did your corpulent corpus become entangled in your doorframe, and you were thus denied access to your computing room? HA! I scoff at the and look upon you in sad shame.

Willy claims that a divine being inspired him to create his web-log as a sort of crusade against me and my superior web-log. REST ASSURED, readers of xkcd sucks, that I WILL NOT FALTER. I will not fail. I will not epic fail. We will defeat Willy and his minions, if he can even summon any minions, and we will continue in our quest to expose Randall Munroe (and Willy Huge) as the shams they are.

Lastly, a personal note: William has never met me in person, seen any graphical representation of my visage OR my countenance, and so his claim that one elephant-style man would run in fear at me is not a claim that he can make with confidence.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

What NOW, Willy?

The ball, as they say, is in your court, "William" Monty Hughes!

For those new to the debate: One Mr. Hughes has been making the most preposterous claims against me and my website, xkcd sucks. This website in turn mocks the terrible webcomic xkcd.

Despite his low levels of intelligence, Mr. Hughes seems to think that he is qualified to create a Web-Log of complains against, of all people, me! This he is doing in a most foolish manner at the URL of " 'xkcd' is simultaneously hilarious and intellectually satisfying".

Is it not the acme of foolishness? Have any of you ever seen a shoddier waste of bandwidth in the entire internet?


Rest assured however: I will not be letting this nonsense stand. I will turn my acid tongue and sharply-witted blogging pen upon Mr. Hughes, and we will see how he likes it!

Welcome to the blog, bitches. We're doing this.